MD, PhD, FMedSci, FSB, FRCP, FRCPEd

satire

Prince Charles’s car has been involved in a collision with a deer in the area around Balmoral, THE GUARDIAN reported. Charles remained uninjured but shaken by the incident. The condition of the deer is unknown but might be much worse. The Prince’s Audi was damaged in the collision at the Queen’s Aberdeenshire estate and sent away for repairs. A spokesman for Clarence House declined to comment on the crash.

This is the story roughly as it was reported a few days ago. It is hardly earth-shattering, one might even say that it is barely news-worthy. Therefore, I thought I might sex it up a little by adding some more fascinating bits to it – pure fantasy, of course, but news-stories have been known to get embellished now and then, haven’t they?

Here we go:

As the papers rightly state, Charles was ‘shaken’, and such an acute loss of Royal well-being cannot, of course, be tolerated. This is why his aids decided to make an urgent telephone call to his team of homeopaths in order to obtain professional and responsible advice as to how to deal with this precarious situation. This homeopathic team discussed the case for about an hour and subsequently issued the following consensual and holistic advice:

  • Scrape some hair or other tissue of the deer from the damaged car.
  • Put it in an alcohol/water mixture.
  • Take one drop of the ‘mother tincture’ and put it in 99 drops of water.
  • Shake vigorously by banging the container on a leather-bound bible.
  • Take one drop of the resultant mixture and put it in 99 drops of water.
  • Shake vigorously by banging the container on a leather-bound bible.
  • Repeat this procedure a total of 30 times.
  • This generates the desired C30 remedy.
  • Administer 10 drops of it to the Prince by mouth.
  • Repeat the dose every two hours until symptoms subside.

The Prince’s loyal aids followed these instructions punctiliously, and after 24 hours the Prince’s anxiety had all but disappeared. Upon hearing the good news, the homeopaths were delighted and instructed to discontinue the ‘rather potent’ remedy. Now they plan to publish the case in Peter Fisher’s journal ‘Homeopathy’.

The Prince showed himself even more delighted and told a reporter that he “had always known how incredibly powerful homeopathy is.” He added that he has already written to Health Secretary Hunt about homeopathy on the NHS, “it is high time that the NHS employs more homeopathy”, Charles said, “it would save us all a lot of money and might even solve the NHS’s current financial problems with one single stroke.”

The Faculty of Homeopathy is preparing a statement about this event, and the homeopathic pharmacy Ainsworth allegedly is considering marketing a new range of remedies called ROADKILL. The Society of Homeopaths feels somewhat left out but stated that “homeopathy is very powerful and should really be in the hands of professional homeopaths.” A group of homeopathic vets declared that they could have saved the deer, if they had had access to the animal and added “homeopathy works in animals, and therefore it cannot be a placebo.”

Everyone at Balmoral and beyond seems reasonably happy (perhaps not the deer). However, this does not include the local car mechanics charged with the repair of the Audi. They were reported to lack empathy and knowledge about ‘integrative, holistic body work’. Their opposition to following orders went as far as refusing to repair the car according to homeopathic principles: sprinkling ‘Deer C30’, as the new remedy is now called, on the car’s bonnet.

WARNING: THIS MIGHT MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUDLY AND UNCONTROLLABLY.

Deepak Chopra rarely publishes in medical journals (I suppose, he has better things to do). I was therefore intrigued when I saw a recent article of which he is a co-author.

The ‘study‘ in question allegedly examined the effects of a comprehensive residential mind–body program on well-being. The authors describe it as “a quasi-randomized trial comparing the effects of participation in a 6-day Ayurvedic system of medicine-based comprehensive residential program with a 6-day residential vacation at the same retreat location.” They included 69 healthy women and men who received the Ayurvedic intervention addressing physical and emotional well-being through group meditation and yoga, massage, diet, adaptogenic herbs, lectures, and journaling. Key components of the program include physical cleansing through ingestion of herbs, fiber, and oils that support the body’s natural detoxification pathways and facilitate healthy elimination; two Ayurvedic meals daily (breakfast and lunch) that provide a light plant-based diet; daily Ayurvedic oil massage treatments; and heating treatments through the use of sauna and/or steam. The program includes lectures on Ayurvedic principles and lifestyle as well as lectures on meditation and yoga philosophy. The study group also participated in twice-daily group meditation and daily yoga and practiced breathing exercises (pranayama) as well as emotional expression through a process of journaling and emotional support. During the program, participants received a 1-hour integrative medical consultation with a physician and follow-up with an Ayurvedic health educator.

The control group simply had a vacation without any of the above therapies in the same resort. They were asked to do what they would normally do on a resort vacation with the additional following restrictions: they were asked not to engage in more exercise than they would in their normal lifestyle and to refrain from using La Costa Resort spa services. They were also asked not to drink ginger tea or take Gingko biloba during the 2 days before and during the study week.

Recruitment was via email announcements on the University of California San Diego faculty and staff and Chopra Center for Wellbeing list-servers. Study flyers stated that the week-long Self-Directed Biological Transformation Initiative (SBTI) study would be conducted at the Chopra Center for Wellbeing, located at the La Costa Resort in Carlsbad, California, in order to learn more about the psychosocial and physiologic effects of the 6-day Perfect Health (PH) Program compared with a 6-day stay at the La Costa Resort. The study participants were not blinded, and site investigators and study personnel knew to which group participants were assigned.

Participants in the Ayurvedic program showed significant and sustained increases in ratings of spirituality and gratitude compared with the vacation group, which showed no change. The Ayurvedic participants also showed increased ratings for self-compassion as well as less anxiety at the 1-month follow-up.

The authors arrived at the following conclusion: Findings suggest that a short-term intensive program providing holistic instruction and experience in mind–body healing practices can lead to significant and sustained increases in perceived well-being and that relaxation alone is not enough to improve certain aspects of well-being.

This ‘study’ had ethical approval from the University of California San Diego and was supported by the Fred Foundation, the MCJ Amelior Foundation, the National Philanthropic Trust, the Walton Family Foundation, and the Chopra Foundation. The paper’s first author is director of research at the Chopra Foundation. Deepak Chopra is the co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing.

Did I promise too much?

Isn’t this paper hilarious?

Just for the record, let me formulate a short conclusion that actually fits the data from this ‘study’: Lots of TLC, attention and empathy does make some people feel better.

This is hardly something one needs to write home about; and certainly nothing to do a study on!

But which journal would publish such unadulterated advertising?

On this blog, I have mentioned the JACM several times before. Recently, I wrote about the new man in charge of it. I concluded stating WATCH THIS SPACE.

I think the wait is now over – this paper is from the latest issue of the JACM, and I am sure we all agree that the new editor has just shown us of what he is made and where he wants to take his journal.

Just as I thought that this cannot get any better, it did! It did so in the form of a second paper which is evidently reporting from the same ‘study’. Here is its abstract unaltered in its full beauty:

The effects of integrative medicine practices such as meditation and Ayurveda on human physiology are not fully understood. The aim of this study was to identify altered metabolomic profiles following an Ayurveda-based intervention. In the experimental group, 65 healthy male and female subjects participated in a 6-day Panchakarma-based Ayurvedic intervention which included herbs, vegetarian diet, meditation, yoga, and massage. A set of 12 plasma phosphatidylcholines decreased (adjusted p < 0.01) post-intervention in the experimental (n = 65) compared to control group (n = 54) after Bonferroni correction for multiple testing; within these compounds, the phosphatidylcholine with the greatest decrease in abundance was PC ae C36:4 (delta = -0.34). Application of a 10% FDR revealed an additional 57 metabolites that were differentially abundant between groups. Pathway analysis suggests that the intervention results in changes in metabolites across many pathways such as phospholipid biosynthesis, choline metabolism, and lipoprotein metabolism. The observed plasma metabolomic alterations may reflect a Panchakarma-induced modulation of metabotypes. Panchakarma promoted statistically significant changes in plasma levels of phosphatidylcholines, sphingomyelins and others in just 6 days. Forthcoming studies that integrate metabolomics with genomic, microbiome and physiological parameters may facilitate a broader systems-level understanding and mechanistic insights into these integrative practices that are employed to promote health and well-being.

Now that I managed to stop laughing about the first paper, I am not just amused but also puzzled by the amount of contradictions the second article seems to cause. Were there 65 or 69 individuals in the experimental group? Was the study randomised, quasi-randomised or not randomised? All of these versions are implied at different parts of the articles. It turns out that they randomised some patients, while allocating others without randomisation – and this clearly means the study was NOT randomised. Was the aim of the study ‘to identify altered metabolomic profiles following an Ayurveda-based intervention’ or ‘to examine the effects of a comprehensive residential mind–body program on well-being’?

I am sure that others will find further contradictions and implausibilites, if they look hard enough.

The funniest inconsistency, in my opinion, is that Deepak Chopra does not even seem to be sure to which university department he belongs. Is it the ‘Department of Family Medicine and Public Health, University of California, San Diego, La Jolla, CA.’ as indicated in the 1st paper or is it the ‘Department of Family and Preventive Medicine, University of California San Diego, La Jolla, California, USA’ as listed in the 2nd article?

Does he know from which planet he is?

 

The ‘Deutsche Apotheker Zeitung’, a paper for German pharmacists, rarely is the most humorous of publications. However, recently they reported on a battle between the EU and the European producers of homeopathic remedies – a battle over mercury which has, I think, hints of Monty Python and the Flying Circus.

The EU already has strict regulations on the use of mercury, for obvious reasons, they apply particularly to medicines. The law in this area is now 8 years old and is about to be replaced by a new one which is even stricter. A draft has been recently published here.

The new law would prohibit all mercury in medicinal products, except for some used in dentistry. For the homeopathic and anthroposophic manufacturers, this is not good news because they have many remedies on the market that have the word ‘mercury’ on the label. Consequently, they fear that the sale of these products might be impeded or even become impossible in the EU.

„Quecksilber und Quecksilberverbindungen stellen für manche homöopathische und andere traditionelle Arzneimittel einen unverzichtbaren Bestandteil dar“ (Mercury and mercury compounds are an essential ingredient of some homeopathic and other traditional medicines) .. “Es steht keine Quecksilber-freie Alternative zur Verfügung, die als aktiver Bestandteil in der Therapie mit homöopathischen oder anderen traditionellen Arzneimitteln verwendet werden könnte“ (There is no mercury-free alternative that could be used in these medications”) wrote the Dachverband der Arzneimittelhersteller im Bereich der Selbstmedikation (AESGP) (a lobby group of the homeopathic manufacturers) in a comment adding that „Diese Produkte sind seit Dekaden auf dem europäischen Markt und gehören zum Arzneimittel-Werkzeugkoffer” (these products are on the market since decades and belong to the medical tool-kit)… and that these products contain merely tiny amounts of mercury – even the largest manufacturers of these remedies only require a few milligrams for their production.

The plea of the manufacturers therefore is for an exemption from the new law which would allow the trade of mercury-containing remedies in future. They even have the support of some health politicians; for instance Peter Liese CDU favours an exemption for homeopathic medicines. The next meeting of the EU committee on public health will vote on the matter.

Personally, I can imagine the following dialogue between the EU officials (EU) and the lobbyists of the homeopathic industry (LOHI):

EU: We are very sorry but, because of the toxicity of mercury, we will not allow any of it in medicines.

LOHI: But we have always used it and nobody has come to harm.

EU: We don’t know that, and we have to be strict.

LOHI: We appreciate your concern, but we use only very, very tiny amounts; they cannot cause harm.

EU: The law is the law!

LOHI: Actually, the vast majority of our products are so dilute that they do not contain a single molecule of the ingredient on the bottle.

EU: That’s interesting! In this case, they are not medicines and we will have to ban them.

LOHI: NO, no, no – you don’t understand. We potentise our medicines; this means that the ingredient that they no longer contain gets more and more powerful.

EU: Are you sure?

LOHI: Absolutely!

EU: In this case, we will ban not just your mercury products but all your phony remedies. Because either science is right and they are fraudulent, or you are correct and they are dangerous.

For far too many proponents of alternative medicine, belief in alternative methods seems disappointingly half-hearted. Not so for this enthusiast who invented an alternative form of resuscitation – but sadly failed.

This article explains:

A Russian woman spent more than 4 months trying to bring her dead husband back to life. How?  With the help of holy water and prayer!

The retired therapist said she didn’t report the death of her 87-year-old husband because she believed she could revive him by sprinkling holy water on his body and reading prayers. The woman’s bizarre secret was revealed when she accidentally flooded the apartment below, and a neighbour forced his way into her home to turn off the water. He found the almost completely mummified husband laying on the living-room couch. Forensic pathologists determined that the man had been dead for 4 – 6 months, but found no traces of violence on his body and concluded he had died of natural causes.

Neighbours said that they did sense a strange smell coming out of the apartment, but didn’t think anything of it. The deceased had suffered a serious injury to his leg in 2015 and had been bed-ridden since then. Therefore his disappearance from public view went unnoticed. To make sure nobody interfered with her resuscitations, the woman told everyone that he was fine, but too tired for receiving guests. Even the couple’s children were asked not to visit.

The 76-year-old woman who had worked as a doctor for most of her life, became interested in the occult and obsessed with the work of Leonid Konovalov, a Russian psychic who stars in a television show where he tries to communicate with the dead. “When we started talking to the woman, it turned out that she was fascinated by alternative medicine and believed that, by sprinkling holy water on her husband, she would be able to bring him back, to revive him,” Chief investigator commented.

Is there a lesson in this story?

Perhaps this one: conviction in one’s methods might be good, but evidence is better.

If you are free on 17 – 19 November, why not pop over to Vienna and attend the European Congress for Homeopathy? The programme looks exciting (and full of humour); here are eight of my favourite lectures:

  1. R G Hahn ‘Homeopathy from a scientific and sceptic point of view’
  2. L Ellinger ‘Homeopathy as a replacement of antibiotics and in epidemics’
  3. T Farrington ‘Homeopathic treatment of farm animals’
  4. M M Montoya ‘Evidence based medicine in veterinary homeopathy’
  5. S Kruse ‘Homeopathy in neonatology’
  6. J Wurster ‘Homeopathic treatment and healing of cancer’
  7. P Knafl ‘The homeopathic treatment of cancer in cats and dogs’
  8. E Scherr ‘The homeopathic treatment of cancer in horses’

Other presenters at this meeting include two members of my ALT MED HALL OF FAME: Dr Fisher and Prof Frass. Their contributions alone would make the journey to Vienna a memorable event, I am sure.

And why are the presentations selected above amongst my favourites?

I am glad you asked! Here are some of my reasons:

  • Prof Hahn as been mentioned on this blog before. He published what some homeopaths consider a biting criticism of one of my papers. I find his arguments utterly bonkers and I tried to explain this here. In the comments section of this post, one commentator wrote: “Dr. Hahn has an interesting take on the relationship of reason and science. Perhaps the best illustration of his confused views is illustrated in a comment-dialog (in english) following a blog post by Michael Eriksson, a Swedish computer scientist living in Germany. There, the two exchange views on this matter: https://michaeleriksson.wordpress.com/2011/01/16/science-and-reason/
    The following quote from Dr. Hahn’s comments in this thread I find illustrative:

    The question is – should we believe in scientific data or should we believe is them only if you can accept them by reason? I claim that you should trust the data, in particular if “reason” is provided by a complete outsider. The risk is very great that reason provided by an outsider is completely wrong.

    Dr. Hahn reveals his denial of homeopathy’s implausibility and motivates this view by rejecting reason itself. He seems to be totally blind to the meaning of the term “reason” and presumably therefore blind to his own lack of it.
    As I said, quite a curious case. Perhaps a variant of the Nobel disease?

     

    END OF QUOTE

    These considerations render the title of Hahn’s lecture more than a little humorous, in my view.

  • Homeopathy as a preplacement of antibiotics could to be a special type of very dark humour. If anyone really did implement such a strategy, there would be millions of fatalities worldwide within just a few months.
  • Homeopathy for animals has also been debated on this blog before. The long and short of it is that there is no good evidence that it works.
  • What follows for ‘evidence-based veterinary homeopathy is simple: it is a contradiction in terms.
  • Homeopathy for children is not much different; in fact, it is worse: arguably, this is child abuse.
  • The last there of my selected lectures are all on cancer, a subject that we too on this blog are familiar with (see here, here, here, here and here, for instance). Where does the homeopathic obsession with cancer cone from? Have homeopaths somehow decided that, as they are so very useless at curing trivial conditions, they must now go for the life-threatening diseases?

In any case, this conference promises to be a hilarious event – full of comedy gold, hubris, and wishful thinking. I think it’s a ‘must event’ for sceptics – so hurry and book soon!

Would you like to see a much broader range of approaches such as nutrition, mindfulness, complementary therapies and connecting people to green spaces become part of mainstream healthcare?

No?

Well, let me tell you about this exciting new venture anyway!

It is being promoted by Dr Dixon’s ‘College of Medicine’ and claims to be “the only accredited Integrative Medicine diploma currently available in the UK… [It] will provide you with an accredited qualification as an integrative medicine practitioner. The Diploma is certified by Crossfields Institute and supported by the College of Medicine and is the only one currently available in the UK. IM is a holistic, evidence-based approach which makes intelligent use of all available therapeutic choices to achieve optimal health and resilience for our patients. The model embraces conventional approaches as well as other modalities centred on lifestyle and mind-body techniques like mindfulness and nutrition.”

Dr Dixon? Yes, this Dr Michael Dixon.

College of Medicine? Yes, this College of Medicine.

Integrative medicine? Yes, this cunning plan to adopt quackery into real medicine which I have repeatedly written about, for instance here, here and here.

Crossfields Institute? Yes this Crossfields Institute which promotes the Steiner/’Waldorf quackery and has Simon Fielding as the chair of trustees.

Simon Fielding? Yes, the Simon Fielding who “devoted much of his professional life to securing the recognition of osteopathy as an independent primary contact healthcare profession and this culminated in the passing of the Osteopaths Act in 1993. He was appointed by ministers as the first chair of the General Osteopathic Council responsible for bringing the Osteopaths Act into force… He is currently vice-chair of the board of trustees of The College of Medicine… In addition Simon has… served as a long term trustee on the boards of The Prince of Wales’s Foundation for Integrated Health… and was the founder chair of the Council for Anthroposophical Health and Social Care.”

You must admit, this IS exciting!
Now you want to know what modules are within the Diploma? Here they are:

  • The Modern Context of IM: Philosophy, History and Changing Times in Medicine
  • IM Approaches and Management of Conditions (part 1)
  • Holistic Assessment: The Therapeutic Relationship, Motivational Interviewing & Clinical Decision Making in    Integrative Medicine
  • Critical Appraisal of Medicine and IM Research
  • Holistic assessment: Social prescribing, a Community Approach in Integrative Medicine
  • Managing a Dynamic IM Practice and Developing Leadership Skills
  • IM Approaches and Management of Conditions (part 2)
  • Independent Study on Innovation in Integrative Medicine

Sounds terrific, and it reminds me a lot of another course Michael Dixon tried to set up 13 years ago in Exeter. As it concerned me intimately, I wrote about this extraordinary experience in my memoir; here is a short excerpt:

…in July 2003… I saw an announcement published in the newsletter of the Prince of Wales’ Foundation for Integrated Health:

“The Peninsula Medical School aims to become the UK’s first medical school to include integrated medicine at postgraduate level. The school also plans to extend the current range and depth of programmes offered by including healthcare ethics and legislation. Professor John Tooke, dean of the Peninsula Medical School, said: ‘The inclusion of integrated medicine is a patient driven development. Increasingly the public is turning to the medical profession for information about complementary medicines. This programme will play an important role in developing critical understanding of a wide range of therapies’.”

When I stumbled on this announcement I was taken aback. Is Tooke envisaging a course for me to run? Has he forgotten to tell me about it? When I inquired, Tooke informed me that the medical school planned to offer a postgraduate “Pathway in Integrated Health” which had been initiated by Dr Michael Dixon, a general practitioner who had at that stage become one of the UK’s most outspoken proponents of spiritual healing and other dubious forms of alternative medicine, and for this reason was apparently very well regarded by Prince Charles.

A few days after I received this amazing news, Dr Dixon arrived at my office and explained with visible embarrassment that Prince Charles had expressed his desire to establish such a course in Exeter. His Royal Highness had already facilitated its funding which, in fact, came from Nelson’s, the manufacturer of homoeopathic remedies. The day-to-day running of the course was to be put into the hands of the ex-director of the Centre for Complementary Health Studies (CCHS), the very unit I had struggled – and even paid – to be separated from almost a decade ago because of its overtly anti-scientific agenda. The whole thing had been in the planning for several months. I was, it seemed, the last to know – but now that I had learnt about it, Dixon and Tooke urged me to contribute to this course by giving a few lectures.

I could no more comply with this request than fly. Apart from anything else, I was opposed in principle to the concept of “integration.” As I saw it, “integrating” quackery with genuine, science-based medicine was nothing less than a profound betrayal of the ethical basis of medical practice. By putting its imprimatur on this course, and by offering it under the auspices of a mainstream medical school, my institution would be encouraging the dangerous idea of equivalence – i.e., the notion that alternative and mainstream medicine were merely two parallel but equally valid and effective methods of treating illness.

To add insult to injury, the course was to be sponsored by a major manufacturer of homoeopathic remedies. In all conscience, this seemed to me to be the last straw. Study after study carried out by my unit had found homoeopathy to be not only conceptually absurd but also therapeutically worthless. If we did not take a stand on this issue, we might just as well all give up and go home…

END OF QUOTE FROM MY MEMOIR

Dixon’s Exeter course was not a brilliant success; I think it folded soon after it was started. Well, better luck up the road in Bristol, Michael – I am sure there must be a market for quackery somewhere!

It has been reported that the ‘American Society of Complimentary and Alternative Medicine’ (A SCAM) has published a list of the top 10 achievements in medical history. The spelling of ‘complimentary’ and the acronym might be hints suggesting that none of the below is meant too seriously – but it could be good fun. Here is the top 10 list unabbreviated and unaltered:

Tumeric – The miracle spice that can cure everything from athletes foot to cancer.

Homeopathy – The discovery that water has memory and that you can charge people for sugar pills revolutionized alternative medicine.

Cupping – Around a lot longer than Michael Phelps, cupping took hickies to a whole new level.

Aromatherapy – Smelly things can help calm nerves and cure various diseases based on who you buy it from.

Detoxing – From getting rid of heavy metals from vaccines to cleansing the body of harmful chemtrails, detoxing was one of the most influential and revolutionary practices of the last 100 years.

Coffee Enemas – Autism “advocates” discovered that shoving coffee up your rectum can cure you of autism, vaccine-injuries and several other conditions.

Black Salve – Somewhat controversial to those who understand science, black salve has been shown to burn off cancerous tumors and various parts of the body.

The Paleo Diet – The greatest diet ever discovered. The Paleo Diet and by extension the Paleo Lifestyle has proven to improve health outcomes and the pocket books of diet gurus.

Chiropractic Manipulation – Not surprisingly, chiropractic manipulation is one of the best and most lucrative of all the SCAM practices. Recently, more and more chiropractors are discovering that parents are also willing to let you manipulate the spine of their newborn infants (make sure you get them to sign a waiver first).

Cannabis – Last but certainly not least in Cannabis. The miracle plant which is KNOWN to cure every disease known to man yet remains illegal in several countries due to the influence of Big Pharma. Remember: if someone you know uses cannabis to fight their cancer and they still die, it was because they didn’t use it early enough, possibly did some kind of conventional therapy first, or simply used the wrong kind of plant.

END OF QUOTE

I am sure that readers of this blog appreciate the list – especially as all of these treatment have previously been discussed on this very blog (just put the term in the search box, and you will find plenty od posts) –  but they might also feel the need to add more of their favourites to it. Therefore, I have a few suggestions of my own (in no particular order) which I think are well worth considering, if only for the fun of it (I put in the links to some previous posts where the therapy in question has been discussed in a less satirical manner):

Bach Flower Remedies – not as good as Mozart Balls, but almost.

Cranio-sacral therapy – the brain pulsates and the cash-register rings.

Gerson diet – the alternative way to enjoy coffee.

Urine therapy – making your very own medicine saves you going to the pharmacy and spending money.

Laetrile – apricots so good, they are worth a little plagiary.

Chelation therapy – taking out the calcium from your blood so that you can spend more on calcium supplements later.

Colloidal silver – only gold is better.

Gua sha – no pain without gain [for the TCM-practitioner].

Pranic-healing – or should this be ‘panic-healing’?

Weight-loss supplements – guaranteed to reduce the weight of your wallet.

Naturopathy – the art of turning the fallacy of ‘natural = good’ into a thriving business.

Integrative medicine – the art of mixing cow pie and apple pie and make it look attractive to gullible gourmets.

Anthroposophic medicine – East or West, Steiner knew best.

Biopuncture – the annoying obsession of puncturing holes into other people’s CVs.

Applied Kinesiology – best not to apply when you are ill.

Ear candles – candles in the shape of an ear are attractive presents not just for ENT surgeons.

Mistletoe – an inevitable complementary asset for Christmas.

Iridology – the study of Iridaceae, a family of plants in the order of Asparagales.

Holism – the bane of the proctologist.

In case my readers wanted to add to the list, I would be delighted – just put your suggestions into the comments section below.

As predicted, thanks to its high visibility in Rio, to the journalists, editors, photographers, numerous ‘experts’ crawling out of the woodwork, and last but not least the gullible public, cupping has fast become fashionable, ‘cool’ and ‘en vogue’.

Yes! Literally ‘en vogue’!

It has conquered the pages of ‘VOGUE’ (and any quackery that achieves this feast must have a bright future!) where Dr. Alex Moroz, director of the Integrative Sports Medicine program at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Rusk Rehabilitation, offers some extraordinary ‘explanations’. Dr Moroz (yes, he does exist; I looked him up) claims that he uses cupping at home on himself and his family. He believes there’s wisdom in the ancient practice, as well as common sense. Cupping’s effect, he says, is “mechanical, much like a massage,” and though Moroz has not treated professional athletes personally, he says, “It makes sense that it would work for that group of muscular skeletal injuries and problems.”

Moroz believes, furthermore, that cupping’s benefits reach far beyond sports. “For people with muscle-based pain, tightness, spasms, or chronic pain of any sort, it’s a great modality to use. Like other short-term modalities, there’s a curve where you have a small number of people who have rather dramatic results, and then you have a group of people who will not be helped at all,” he says. “Everyone else will fall somewhere in between.”

Dr Moroz has opinions but seems to be remarkably short on the ‘common sense’ he praises and a bit under-developed in the area of evidence.

This is regrettable!

Where on earth can we find some reliable information?

Surely, with all the hype about cupping, there must be someone who is just a trifle more science-based. Of course there is. The ‘London Cupping Clinic’ seems serious enough; they even employ real GPs who explain the SCIENCE OF CUPPING’ as follows:

“[Cupping]… involves, as the name suggests, a series of glass or plastic cups being placed on the recipient’s skin. The cups are heated and come into effect upon cooling; the air trapped between the cup and skin contracts, creating a suction-like effect that pulls the skin upwards, drawing blood to the surface to increase blood flow and give the resulting marks their deep crimson-purple colour. At times, vacuum pumps can be used along with the cups to aid the process of suction.”

Drawing blood to the surface to increase blood flow? Really?

In my quest to find some factual information I stumble across the website of HOLISTIC LIVING TIPS. Yes, I know, ‘holistic living’ does not sound like factual information. Yet I read on and find that…

“…along with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which is closely linked to a stressed digestive tract, cupping has been used for stomach pains, diarrhea, gastritis and other common digestive issues. Flowing the energy to help release tension in and around the digestive tract, while aiding the abdomen with added nutrients and oxygen can help stimulate a healthier digestive tract… The most common skin issues cupping has been used for is acne, skinflammation and even herpes. Your capillaries are expanded by cupping and the addition flow of blood helps tone your skin and clear unwanted toxins from the skin to help get rid of acne. Also, wet cupping, where a small cut is made before the cup is applied can reduce acne better because with the incision the therapy can extract more of the toxins from your body. Cupping has also been used for cellulite and varicose veins. An increased flow of blood throughout the skin will help tone and tighten the skin. Also, cupping stimulates and improves the flow of blood, helping reduce varicose veins…  Mainly, cupping increases the flow of blood and lymphatic fluid throughout the body. Both of these help your body protect itself from illnesses and toxins. Additionally, cupping can help extract and remove phlegm and congestion from your body. The purpose of cupping is to enhance circulation, help relieve pain, remove heat and pull out the toxins that linger in your body’s tissues. It is not something that everyone is aware of, but just like other Chinese Medicine practices, like acupuncture, it can be an effective and most importantly a natural way, to help treat several conditions and help improve your body’s overall health and function.”

Even considering that we are in the realm of alternative medicine, the claims and explanations currently made for cupping seem impressive. With such a solid base in holistic anatomy and New Age physiology, the future of cupping ought to be delightful.

I can see all sorts of profitable options for those who want to jump on the vacuum-driven bandwagon:

  • courses for aspiring cupping therapists [a safe career, as demand is bound to soar]
  • DIY books for amateur cuppers
  • car seats that give you a love bite while you are driving home from work [very practical for the less than faithful alt med fan]
  • vacuum suckers for the dental patient [cupping kills pain and reduces anxiety, they say]
  • similar devices for Indian restaurants who offer it for customers to control the well-known digestive problems after a good Vindaloo chicken [Charles’ Dutchy Originals might already be planning the launch]
  • cupping walk-in centres for every-day emergencies
  • cupping clinics for those who fear the effects of ageing [cupping ‘tightens the skin’, you know]
  • a face mask with integrated vacuum cups for teenagers suffering from acne
  • shoes that produce a sucking action on the sole of the feet as you walk [thus ingeniously combining cupping with reflexology]
  • a 24-hours cupping helpline for the less experienced DIY-cuppers…

There really are no limits (neither to profit nor to fantasy) – the future of cupping is bright!

We have discussed the subject of urine therapy before. And, as I did then, I again apologise for the vulgar title of my post – but it describes urine therapy just perfectly. My new post is based on what I recently found on a website that is entirely devoted to this strange form of treatment:

Around 4 am, workers at the Keeshav Shrusti Go Shaala at Bhayander, in India, head to the tabelas (cow sheds) to collect the first urine of their 230 cows. They collect 200 litres of gomutra (cow urine), which is then sent to a production unit where it is filtered, bottled and then shipped across the country to be sold at high prices.

The popularity of alternative medicine and a back-to-nature rush has meant that those seeking gomutra as the cure for all ailments — it is touted as a cure for cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, psoriasis among others — has spurred a rise of gomutra products in the Indian market.

A year ago the Indian ‘Council for Scientific and Industrial Research’ even initiated projects to study the anti-cancer and anti-infection properties of various cow products including cow urine and dung. Last September, Maa Gou Products (MGP) approached BigBasket to distribute its range of cow-urine based products, ranging from floor cleaner, tooth powder, balm and face pack.

ARK1

Today there are several sites that have been set up specifically to sell cow products. For instance, the one-year-old vendor portal www.gaukranti.org. The site, which retails a range of products, gets 40 per cent of its revenue from cow urine.

ARK2
But, not all cow urine bottles are the same or tout the same solutions. Some are used as cleansers; Mumbaikars will recall the Kandivli ccorporator who suggested that KEM Hospital be cleansed daily with cow urine. Some others are meant specifically for weight loss.

ARK3

GoArk, for instance, is a weight loss product made by boiling cow urine in an iron pot to which a vapour condensing device is attached. The main difference lies in the source of the cows. Goseva GoArk is prepared from the GIR cow’s urine and GouGanga is from mixed Indian breeds. Bos Indicus, the breed indigenous to the subcontinent, is to be preferred. One expert explains: “foreign breeds such as the Jersey cow have been subjected to genetic modification.” He says that once the gomutra is collected it is filtered around eight times through a piece of cotton cloth. The distillation process, he says, helps ensure that there is no ammonia so that the shelf life is increased. Typically, it’s good to be used up to two years after bottling. The demand for gomutra — whether as a medicine, a face pack or a floor cleanser — is now rising beyond India. There even have been inquiries from the UK, US, Australia and even Arabic countries.

So, watch this space!

 

Yes, I admit it: over the years, I had formed a vague impression that homeopaths lack humour. Certainly, many comments on this blog seemed to confirm the notion. But now I changed my mind: some homeopaths are intensely funny.

Yesterday, I found a tweet which read: “NCH and homeopathy to be highlighted at the 2016 American Public Health Association’s conference in Denver”. The tweet provided a link which took me to an abstract authored by Alison Teitelbaum from the US National Center for Homeopathy (on their website, this organization tell us that they “inform legislators and work to secure homeopathy’s place in the U.S health care system while working to ensure that homeopathy is accurately represented in the media”).

The abstract in question summarized a presentation for the up-coming APHA-meeting in Denver. It is so hilariously comical that I simply have to share it with you (for those readers are homeopaths, I have added [in square brackets] a few footnotes explaining the humorous side of it):

Background: Over the last 25 years there has been a marked increase in consumer demand for information about complimentary [1] and alternative medicine, including homeopathy. Anecdotal data [2] suggest that homeopathic consumers are very satisfied with homeopathic medicines, and use them to treat acute, self-limiting conditions, however very little data exists in the published literature examining either topic [3]. Therefore, the purpose of this project was to evaluate homeopathic consumers’ use and satisfaction with homeopathic medicines.

Methods: Survey of nearly 20,000 consumers [4] who had purchased at least 1 over-the-counter (OTC) homeopathic medicine in the past 2 years.

Results: [5] More than 95% of respondents indicated they were very or extremely satisfied with the most recent OTC homeopathic medicine they had purchased and used [6]. More than 96% of respondents indicated they were very or extremely satisfied with the results of OTC homeopathic medicines that they had used in general [7]. Over 98% of respondents reported that they were very likely to purchase OTC homeopathic medicines again in the future [8]. More than 97% of respondents indicated that they were very likely to recommend homeopathic medicines to others [9]. Finally, more than 80% of respondents indicated using OTC homeopathic medicines for acute, self-limiting conditions, such as aches and pains; cold and flu symptoms; and digestive upset [10].

Conclusion: These results support anecdotal evidence [11] that homeopathic consumers are satisfied with OTC homeopathic medicines [12], and are using them to treat acute, self-limiting conditions [13]. Additional research is needed to further explore the use of OTC homeopathic medicine in the US for trends, access, and overall awareness about homeopathy [14].

[1] complimentary medicine = healthcare that costs nothing; complementary medicine = healthcare that complements real medicine; homeopathy should belong to the former category because it contains nothing.

[2] please note how ‘anecdotal data’ becomes ‘anecdotal evidence’ by the time we reach the conclusion; little does the author know that THE PLURAL OF ANECDOTE IS NOT ‘DATA’ BUT ‘ANECDOTES’!!!

[3] this statement implies that the author cannot cope with a Medline search, because there are plenty of articles on this subject.

[4] ‘nearly 20 000’ perfectly reflects the scientific rigor of this project (is it really too demanding to provide the exact figure?)

[5] how come we do not learn anything about the response rate of this survey (did ‘nearly’ everyone reply? or did ‘nearly’ everyone not reply?)?

[6] considering that only homeopathy-fans were included, this figure should be 100%!

[7] considering that only homeopathy-fans were included, this figure should be 100%!

[8] considering that only homeopathy-fans were included, this figure should be 100%!

[9] considering that only homeopathy-fans were included, this figure should be 100%!

[10] ‘more than 80%’ of an unknown rate of responders is about as much as a tin of peas. But I am nevertheless relieved that the majority used placebos merely for self-limiting conditions; the 20% who might have used it for life-threatening conditions are probably all dead – sad!

[11] see footnote number 2

[12] this is like doing a survey in a hamburger joint concluding that all consumers love to eat hamburgers.

[13] except, of course, the unknown percentage of non-responders who might all be dead.

[14] I would re-phrase this last sentence as follows: MORE SUCH PRESENTATIONS ARE NEEDED TO PROVIDE COMIC RELIEF TO OTHERWISE DRY AND BORING MEETINGS ON PUBLIC HEALTH.

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