The Rise of Chutzpah-Based Medicine (CBM)

I recently coined a new term: Chutzpah-Based Medicine (CBM). It requires a bit of an explanation which I herewith try to deliver. Medical decisions should rely on a rational hierarchy: systematic reviews at the top, followed by randomised clinical trials, observational studies, and way down at the bottom we anecdotal experience and opinion. The new paradigm of “Chutzpah-Based Medicine” (CBM) turns this pyramid upside down.

In CBM, double-blind trials are replaced by double-down charisma. Why wait 10 years for evidence when you can assert a medical breakthrough in 15 seconds on video with dynamic lighting, an unbuttoned linen shirt, and absolute, unshakable certainty? Here is an overview of the core tenets and leading luminaries of this revolutionary field.

The Dogmas of CBM

• The Confidence-to-Evidence Ratio: The validity of any health claim is directly proportional to the volume, velocity, and eye contact with which it is delivered.
• The “Big Pharma Secret” Axiom: If a treatment worked and had evidence, it would evidently be mainstream. Therefore, the total absence of evidence is the ultimate proof that “They” are trying to suppress it.
• Quantum Syllogism: If you insert the word “quantum” before anything, biology no longer applies, and anything becomes possible.

Four Ambassadors of CBM

1. Gwyneth Paltrow

The undisputed pioneer of High-End CBM. Paltrow proved that with enough aesthetic minimalism and raw audacity, one can sell jade eggs, vaginal steaming, and “psychic vampire repellent” as essential wellness routines. Scientific consensus is but a sign of unrefined taste. See also previous posts, e.g.:

• Time for Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘Emotional Detox Bath Soak’
• We all have misungerstood good old Gwyneth Paltrow. At heart, she is a true sceptic!
• What is it with Gwyneth Paltrow and the vagina?
• Rectal ozone therapy? Gwyneth seems to like it!

2. Dr. Mehmet Oz

Before entering politics, Dr. Oz laid the groundwork for CBM. He demonstrated that a cardiothoracic surgeon could look directly into a camera and declare green coffee bean extract a “miracle burn in a bottle” without blinking. “Magic” is, according to Oz, a valid clinical outcome. See also previous posts, e.g.:

• It seems to me that Dr. Mehmet Oz is breaking the law!
• Donald Trump nominated SCAM promoter, Mehmet Oz, to lead the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS)
• Columbia University cut ties with Dr. Mehmet Oz … or did they?

3. Dr. Joseph Mercola

He is a true titan of digital CBM mastering the art of building a multi-million-dollar supplement empire by warning millions that modern medicine is a toxic conspiracy, while conveniently offering his own unapproved tanners, liposomal vitamins, and other SCAMs as the sole salvation. See also previous posts, e.g.:

• The ‘moral and intellectual decay’ of COVID disinformants
• The anti-vaccination movement is financed by the dietary supplement industry

4. Deepak Chopra

Chopra brought profound philosophical chutzpah to CBM by blending endocrinology with poetic quantum bollox. By asserting that human bodies are “localized energy fields” capable of “quantum healing,” he elevated clinical vagueness into a high-margin spiritual enterprise. See also previous posts, e.g.:

• Deepak Chopra – Karma can be a real bitch!
• The ‘LOVETUNER’: Have a look at this, and you will never again think that Deepak Chopra is a charlatan
• Deepak Chopra’s finest hour
• Deepak Chopra enters my ‘ALT MED HALL OF FAME’

While Evidence-Based Medicine requires years of arduous testing, CBM offers immediate answers, simple villains, and premium-priced remedies. Why let a clinical trial get in the way of an excellent means of getting rich quickly?