I receive all the energy I need by charging my butthole in the sunlight!
Actually, I don’t, but some people do!
The new so-called alternative medicine (SCAM) of ‘perineum sunning’ has become all the rage. It gives an entirely new meaning to the word ‘holism’. And, like all good SCAMs, it has a long tradition. This article explains:
Butt chugging, or ‘perineum sunning’, is the latest wellness and health trend to take over Instagram, but should you be stripping off?
What if I told you there was a 30-second trick to having a healthier libido, getting deeper sleep, boosting your creativity, super-charging your focus and having more balanced hormone function?
Well, apparently all you need to do is remove your Bonds and let your nether regions soak in some vitamin D. Gird your loins, friends, apparently “butt chugging” is a legitimate wellness trend and we’re completely and utterly perplexed.
Bringing “butt chugging”, or “perineum sunning” if you want to get official about it, into the cultural lexicon is self-proclaimed healer, teacher and micro-influencer Metaphysical Meagan. This week, the superfood lover went veritably viral after preaching about the “profound” benefits of perineum sunning on Instagram. Cue: much laughter, then much confusion.
A fan explained on Instagram:
30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole is the equivalent of a full day of sunlight with your clothes on,” and that it is “an ancient Taoist practice that’s been around for a while!” (Yes, because that is what “ancient” means.) A few weeks after her initial post, presumably because more and more people went to her page to comment after finding various jokes about it online, Metaphysical Meagan posted the photo on Instagram for a second time, now with an outrageously long caption meant to correct any misinformation. She explains that suntanning your asshole is meant to promote the “health & longevity of the physical body,” increase “creativity and creative output” and aid “in a healthy libido & balanced sexual energy.” It is definitely “NOT TO TAN YOUR BUTTHOLE‼️‼️” Also, “sunscreen is not required.
So, perineum sunning is an ancient Taoist practice. That makes sense: rituals and exercises aimed at aligning oneself spiritually with cosmic forces, at undertaking ecstatic spiritual journeys, or at improving physical health are all-important elements of Taoism. And if it’s got such a noble, long tradition, perineum sunning must be good, mustn’t it? No evidence needed!
As I said at the beginning of this post, I have not yet had the pleasure of experiencing this SCAM. But now I am tempted, of course. As soon as the sun is out, I will try it in my garden. I do wonder, however, what the neighbours will think!
25 Responses to ‘Perineum sunning’ gives an entirely new meaning to ‘HOLISM’
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She can shove that idea where the Sun don’t shine.
Oh. Bother. I’ve just seen the problem.
As recommended by Gwynneth Paltrow.
Ah, so this new treatment has superseded vaginal steaming? I’m almost tempted to start recruiting test groups for a changeover trial of these two modalities. Just seeing the reactions on peoples faces when they grasp the concept should be priceless already …
vaginal steaming was just too unfair to those of us who don’t possess the anatomical precondition.
Ah, yes, that would also explain all the trouble I had with Mrs. Paltrow’s jade egg …
Sorry to comment 2years late..have only just heard about this madness
I’ m afraid us British folks shan’t be removing our Long Johns ( thermal leggings) anytime soon in Hyde Park & exposing our ring pieces to the 5 minutes of sunshine we get a week..lol.
I wonder if old Gwynnie Paltrow has made a £50+ candle that smells of her sizzling sunning bottom..maybe she could call.it ‘Sun Bum’ ..I wanted to say so.ething far ruder ,but I’ ll refrain ;).
Why does all this utter nonsense seemingly get thrust ( pardon the pun) on this world by the US ? Is it a bit crazy over there or something???…
Have you been watching the news?
You can tell from the shadows not matching properly that this picture has been photoshopped (ditto another photograph making the rounds of the media at the moment).
Though this does remind me of the lengths that we used to have to go to in order to treat tumours in the perineal region. I particularly the bizarre setup that we used once in order to irradiate a vaginal tumour using an electron beam. Unfortunately I couldn’t find any good photos of electron beam radiotherapy on the Web (I’m not sure why – it is a standard form of treatment, though not used as much as photons). The best I could find was this one from the Daily Mail of a lion having a tumour on its nose treated. It looks as though the photo was taken before the treatment had been fully set up, since the applicator (the frame thing sticking out of the business end of the linac) has to be virtually touching the skin:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7009393/Lion-radiation-treatment-skin-cancer-hospital-smuggled-door.html
Treating male genital tumours was also a challenge – the variation in anatomy between individuals meant that there was no standard protocol, but thankfully we had one particular physicist who was always able to devise ingenious solutions.
Standard pelvic radiotherapy (e.g. for anal, low rectal and gynaecological tumours) has the unpleasant short-term side-effect which we call moist desquamation, which is essentially peeling of the skin in a very sensitive part of the anatomy. The best treatment at the time was to let the air get to it as much as possible, so we would advise our patients to lie down with their perineum exposed, and to use a hair dryer to provide a gentle draught of cold air. Sun had to be avoided, however, as irradiated skin remains very sensitive to sunlight for at least a year after the treatment reaction has subsided.
If 30 seconds is the standard protocol, I’m gonna hold the position for a couple minutes… just to be darn sure I get what’s coming to me.
Want to borrow my bottle of Ambre Solaire? I ..er.. probably won’t want it back afterwards..
Quote:“ As soon as the sun is out, I will try it in my garden.”
As an exception, please DON´T post about this experience.
No offense… but some things should better be left unseen…
thanks for the advice; it might keep me out of jail!
It’s one of those times I’m glad you can’t post images on this blog.
I have a theory that the anus has similar properties to solar panels and produces electricity in sunlight hence causing some stimulation. I propose thst Silicon and rare metals migrate to the anus to cause this effect.
Should any reader of this blog overdose on their perineum sunning and suffer unfortunate burns, then I advise the homeopathic remedy Arsen alb.
can I connect mine to the national grid and get rich?
My preliminary calculations show that only homeopathic quantities of electricity are produced by perineum sunning. However, this infinitely small amount of electricity is considered sufficient enough to stimulate the vital farce.
If only we had cloacas.
I was at university with a girl who had a schoolfriend called Cloaca – her parents apparently thought it was a nice-sounding Roman name. I suppose it was, just the name of a sewer, not a woman.
Chlamydia is another one that has quite a nice ring to it as a girl’s name, somewhere halfway between Chloe and Lydia …(which must have been where I picked it up – sorry, couldn’t resist the rancid joke).
But OK, joking apart, based on some Googling, it would appear that some badly informed parents indeed did intend to name their little girl as such. But so far, I found no instances where this actually happened.
I was born and bred in Liverpool ,UK by Strawberry Fields in fact..
Once about 25 yrs ago I was waiting for the bus after a arduous day at work ( mental health worker ) &I heard this really loud rough screaming Scouse ( Liverpool) woman sream at her daughter ..
‘ Do as yer told ,I’ m gonna come over there and punch yer ‘ead ( head ) in Ciabatta’…..indeed she had named her poor daughter after an Italian loaf of bread infused with o!ive oil !
Sadly I.think she was far too dim to realise what it was.lol.I.had to make a sharp exit away from the bus stop.in case she punched me..I.couldnt stop laughing?
I must say, Professor Ernst, I am surprised this was not covered in “Trick or Treatment.” You could have had a chapter titled “The Truth About Putting the Sun where the Sun Normally Doesn’t Shine.”
It should have at least been among the 150 modalities you covered in “Alternative Medicine.”
Maybe in your next book? 😉
I need to do a new edition of the ‘150 modalities’ – peri. sun. must be discussed in full.
Ok, guys, you all had a great time poking fun at this… but now it´s time to get serious.
I have just finished a long-term, advanced course of logic at the Paltrow-Ullman-Benneth (“P.U.B.”) institute of science.
And bad luck for you: There IS OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE that Perineum Sunning works!
I will just mention three facts that should convince EVERY skeptic out there:
Fact#1: The sun is good!
*From personal experience, I know MANY people (me included) who are in a better mood when the sun shines, compared to when it rains
*Children always tell the truth… and they always paint the sun with a smile face! Coincidence? Clearly not.
*Many cultures even considered the sun to be a (good) god!
Fact#2: Nanodoses are at work!
*Nanodoses were proven MANY times by the great thinker Mr. Ullman, via his method of logical deduction from the undisputable evidence from homeopathy (which also works). Ullman has presented his evidence many times on this blog, in the form of concise arguments.
*Compared to the size of the rest of the body, the perineum is kind of a “nano-region” (roughly speaking… no further math calculations needed)
*Sunlight leads to production of vitamin D (even the fraudulent “medical scientists” cannot deny this), therefore Perineum Sunning will produce highly effective Nanodoses of this essential vitamin.
Fact#3: Big Pharma is bad (this fact is just self-evident, but I will give further proof)
*I googled it
*I have never heard about Perineum Sunning before, which is a clear proof that bad big pharma actively tries to hide information about this cheap & effective treatment
*As we all know, self-proclaimed “Prof.” Ernst is the lackey of big pharma, selling his soul to make a quick buck. He mocking this great new alternative medicine (which big pharma can make no profit of) is another piece of the puzzle.
So shame on you, guys, we should all thank health freedom fighter “Metaphysical Meagan” for opening our minds!
I wonder: Is perineum-sunning a superior therapy to arse-candling? (Asking for a friend)
http://crispian-jago.blogspot.com/2009/05/trick-or-treatment-2-more-alternative.html
That is great. If my wife finds me looking at certain images on the internet again, I might explain to her I am checking out some fascinating new (or is it old? I am somewhat confused here) way to improve our health. Now that I have this evidence this explanation would be all the more convincing, woudn’t it?