Several months ago, the Gibraltar Homeopathic Council (GHC) had called for an emergency meeting to discuss the future of Gibraltar. At that meeting, members voiced grave concern over Brexit; the main problem, they predicted, would be that Spain might use the general confusion during the early days of the negotiations to claim back their homeland. It was then that they decided to meet with their patron, Prince Charles. A secret meeting was thus held at High Grove in the presence of leading UK homeopaths, and a cunning plan was devised.

Back in Gibraltar, a team of researchers went to work to develop and test ‘Rock C30’. This novel and innovative remedy is produced by potentising Gibraltar rock according to the ‘like cures like’ principle. Pilot studies were hurriedly arranged, and their results indicated that Rock C30 was indeed a powerful remedy that neutralised all ambitions of individuals wanting to take possession of Gibraltar. Its mechanism of action is as yet unclear, but homeopaths believe it works holistically via stimulating the vital force. The study concluded that Rock C30 added to the water supplies of a small group of Spanish chauvinists proved to totally abolish their desire to consider annexing Gibraltar. The remedy caused no adverse effects and is therefore ready for routine application on a large scale.

The report which has been leaked to the Daily Mail also stated that the development of the new remedy was inspired by the research done on ‘Berlin Wall’, an equally effective solution to potentially difficult situations. Well-informed circles close to the GHC indicate that large supplies of Rock C30 have already been smuggled into Spain and are about to be dropped into the water supplies of its capital.

The president of the GHC apparently stated that ” this is an exciting development which will guarantee the future of Gibraltar as an integral part of the UK.” The patron of the GHC, Prince Charles, is said to have mumbled: “I am pleased not just for the sake of Gibraltar, but also for the sake of homeopathy. Even my cows in Cornwall have been more clever than those despicable homeopathy-deniers; my cows always knew it works.”

8 Responses to Gibraltar will stay British!!! … thanks to the innovative work of homeopaths

  • Now, all we need is a Duchy Originals remedy, developed by the same hexperts, to keep the Irish and the Scots from leaving the UK. Kerrygold butter and Scottish farmed salmon would be good places to start ^_^

  • What’s brown and comes out of cowes backwards?

  • An unknown whistleblower at The Icelandic School of Homeopathy recently leaked information about a new remedy that had been developed by the school’s remedy-development team last year. It was originally designed to enhance and expedite the acquisition of homeopathic skills. The theory was that a remedy based on potentising a calendar would speed up the learning centers of the brain.
    During provings, it was however discovered that it had severe and unwanted side effects. The participants in the proving were ten ladies enrolled in the second year of homeopathy studies. After taking the remedy, every one of them lost interest and belief in homeopathy. Some of them are now studying natural sciences, chemistry and physics at the University.
    A teacher at the homeopathy school who had inadvertently taken a globule of the remedy, left the school immediately, without even saying goodbye to her former colleagues. She is now teaching mathematics and chemistry at a Reykjavik junior college.
    No one has so far come up with an explanation of this curious phenomenon. The remedy was originally labelled “Kalendarium 200C” The homeopath responsible for triturating the calendar exactly one year ago today, had used one of those calendars where you rip of a day at a time from a thick block of 365 pieces of thin paper. She decided to label the bottle: “Apr. Prim. 200C” to reflect the date printed on the piece of paper she ground down for the trituration. The bottle is said to be kept in the schools safe, wrapped in tin foil to prevent it from destroying the faith and dedication of more homeopaths. They do not dare dispose of it lest it should get into the air or water and destroy homeopathy globally.

  • Today is the saddest day of my life.

    Decades ago, I tried my very best to develop two secure database system that were, and would always be, completely unhackable. Neither GCHQ nor the NSA has been able to hack either of my secure database systems.

    However, the overwhelming empirical evidence from experts in homeopathy, and from experts in many other branches of alt-med, have forced me to finally admit that both of my secure database systems have been frequently hacked over the decades.

    I think it is highly incumbent on me to finally reveal my — obviously failed — data encryption methods…
    Secure Database System 1: Its filename is a symbolic link to /dev/null
    Secure Database System 2: Its filename is a symbolic link to /dev/random

  • The problem, of course, with an April Fool’s hoax about homeopathy is — who can tell? Is this really much sillier than their general claims and proclamations?

  • The weirdest thing for me is that I am unable to figure out if this article is satire or a true report of the many weird things these people do.

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