MD, PhD, FMedSci, FRSB, FRCP, FRCPEd

You may think that all TCM treatments come from China – most people do, but they are wrong. It is the Bavarians who have invented much 0f TCM long before the Chinese ever thought of it.

Remember Oetzi? Well, he was (almost) Bavarian. He had acupuncture points tattooed all over his body, and he lived more than 5000 years ago. And now the Chinese have the chutzpa to claim having invented acupuncture 3 000 ago. No, they have nicked it from the Bavarians! It’s obvious!

But it gets better.

Remember slapping therapy? You think that is TCM-inspired? No, it is an old Bavarian tradition! We call it the Watschentanz. If you don’t believe me, look at the videos below.

You must admit this is convincing evidence, if there ever was one.

What does this Bavarian slapping therapy cure?

It is a holistic form of energy healing to cure foremost thirst. You have to drink 1 litre of beer (a herbal infusion of hops and a few other ingredients – also Bavarian, of course) before you start and 2 when it’s over (perfect detox as well!). Moreover it is a better workout than Tai Chi, and it re-balances your vital energies more effectively than any acupuncture needle.

Trust me – I am a (Bavarian) doctor!

7 Responses to Did you know that TCM originated from Bavaria?

  • Ötzi was a Tyrolean, found at the border between Italy and Austria… nothing to do with Bavaria and/or Germany 😉

    • that’s why I said ALMOST
      Oetzthal is quite close to Bavaria

      • Certainly more than close enough for an Alt-med effectiveness claim. I have an acquaintance who believes in homeopathy because he felt better after being treated by herbs in China. So then what’s a few hundred kilometers between friends. That is unless you are at war in which case meters count.

      • Well… you wrote “No, the have nicked it from the Bavarians” while talking about Ötzi… it means, you mean everything comes from Bavaria…

        P.S.:
        Even if I’m looking like defending Tyrol… I live in Bavaria, not in Tyrol 😉

  • According to a not well known theory of a Swiss UFO specialist Ötzi was an Alien who was sent to bring acupuncture to the earth but unfortunately he missed China.

    Later there was a second Alien who named himself Mao Zedong who tried it a second time. He succeeded and although he hated Western societies he was behind to get foreign exchange and currencies and therefore invented the term “TCM” in the 1950ties for export reasons. He put together some needles and mixed them up with western medical explanations and with some old models of wax showing different lines made of silk connecting some holes.

    The problem of Mao Zedong was that the Society of Chinese Doctors had declared their self-dissolution in 1920 and there was nobody left to explain what was meant by the old Chinese texts.

    Some self-invented Western Professors of Chinese Medicine found that there must be a better explanation and tradition for what they all do in TCM nowadays.

    Wouldn’t it be a full catastrophe and disaster if people will find out that there is a very simple explanation for Acupuncture?

    What if the people will find out that there are 12 lines because there are 12 moons in the year and a 13th line which is in the middle and very short because the last moon of the year doesn’t fit into the solar cycle? And that there are around 365 holes because there a are 365 days per year.. and that there is no energy or anatomical parts for such energy lines and that the word-for-word translation is not meridian but just “hole-silk-thread” which was used just for learning reasons like simple mnemonic aids in medical training nowadays? So therefore there are very different old models with a variety of lines depending which mnemonic system in which local school was used.

    Eveb some very clever TCM therapists reduced the 365 to 100 holes but that’s still much more than Ötzi shows.

    But all this muddle could be clarified very soon if everybody doing TCM todays will stop at once following Mao Zedong’s propaganda and will come back to study Ötzi’s points .-) and to follow the story of the sleeping beauty or the story of the of the twelve apostles. Does everybody remember the problem with the number 13?

    The 13th will not follow the old sun but the new which nowadays is evidence based medicine. Farewell old China.

    • I forgot to mention that beer was not invented in Bavaria but in China.

      Why? There are some hints! It’s the name of a very secret point in acupuncture.

      There is a special point in the wrists and the TCM therapist has to grap both hands of the patient there to stabilize a patient’s posture whilst both are doing quite similar movements like in the ‘Watschentanz’ mentioned above.

      This very secret point is known under the name: “Tsingtau-hula” and very effective in cases of alcohol intoxication.

  • You guys obviously have fun in claiming everything is invented south of the Main river. But in fact Mao and Oetzi and TCM are all grounded in much older traditions from celtic and chattian people. The cradle of human culture lies in Hesse. For sure. And drinking beer is just a substitute for not having good cider. Best regards and don’t be to disappointed.

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